A Relationship Will Not Make You Happy (So Stop Looking For Happiness There)

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hernameiskyl:

I absolutely loved this!

Originally posted on Thought Catalog:

“My significant other makes me so happy!”

“Thanks to my significant other, I finally found happiness!”

“I’m done with my significant other, they just don’t make me happy anymore.”

“Break up with your significant other, you deserve to be happy!”

When I read or hear any variation of the above quotes, I cringe and die a little inside. Why have we become people who willingly and voluntarily allow someone else to control the state of our happiness? We’ve collectively accepted that it’s totally fine to give someone else the remote control to our emotional state.

A relationship is not meant to make you happy. It is nobody’s job to make you happy (unless you’re rich and can hire someone to fulfill all your needs, then by all means!). To put an expectation on someone else that their commitment to you is a commitment to keep you in a constant state…

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A wife by any other name

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I recently wrote a post about marital name change traditions – and it is on SLC feminist. Head over there to read the whole post, and subscribe to SLC feminist while you’re at it =]

http://slcfeminist.com/a-wife-by-any-other-name/

A reader did make a great observation about something VERY important that I didn’t hit on extensively, and that is:

Women may choose to forego the surname change tradition because our names are a part of our identity. This is such an important thing to consider when/if you get married. We ARE our names – our names ARE us. I am Kyl Myers. I can’t imagine calling myself by any other name.

What do you think about name changes?

K . x

 

Mourning for the brussel sprouts of my childhood

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I never even tried brussel sprouts as a kid. Their reputation preceded them – and there was NO WAY I was going to eat what seemed to be the “least favorite” food of everyone in elementary school.

Oh how I wish I could turn back time.

I decided to give them a go – and they have got to be one of my favorite veggies now.

Here is a quick way to prepare them. If you are like me, you’ll end up eating almost all of them off the baking sheet before you can get them in a Tupperware [and at about 40 calories a cup, that ain't too dangerous].

Preheat your oven to 400 degrees

Rinse and cut 2 lbs of brussel sprouts in half and put them in a big bowl

Toss them in 2 Tbs olive oil

Throw em on a baking sheet and get some salt and pepper on them

Roast them in the oven for 40 minutes

VOILA

You can add a couple slices of cooked bacon before roasting… you can drizzle a balsamic glaze on them… You could add sliced carrots into the mix… There are about as many variations on brussel sprouts as there are third graders missing out on the magic.

AND THEY ARE HEALTHY! Check out this link for some science stuff regarding the nutritional punch they pack:

http://www.fitday.com/fitness-articles/nutrition/healthy-eating/3-reasons-you-should-be-eating-brussel-sprouts.html#b

K . x

Hi, My Name is Kyl and I am a TJ Maxx Addict

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I’ve been addicted to TJ Maxx for years now. I don’t want help getting over this addiction. I acknowledge that I have an addiction. I don’t know if I can call it a “problem” – because I can’t call all of the magnificent gems that I have unearthed from TJ Maxx “problems” – rather, I call them heaven. TJ Maxx is my heaven. It’s my therapy, my happy place, and sometimes my dermatology clinic [I have spent way too many minutes picking my face in the dressing rooms that have lighting from where? Heaven.] It’s my go-to for gifts (anytime I go to get a gift for someone else, I happen to pick up a few gifts for myself), I buy kitchen stuff there, holiday and home decor there, jewelry there, I buy electronic accessories there, I buy every single article of clothing they take off the truck there, I even buy my shampoo and conditioner there [hello - it's $9.99 compared to $20.99].

I, of course, got the TJ Maxx credit card, which is the equivalent to giving a crack addict a punch card. I spend money on the card and they mail me a $10 gift certificate. Of course I have to go and redeem it – it’s free money! Who ever came up with this idea is a genius, and also the devil. That gift certificate has the world’s smallest and strongest magnet in it and it literally pulls you into Teejer (that’s my pet name for her I mean IT, Teejer isn’t my best friend… it’s a store, duh.)

I have to admit – yesterday, the TJ execs got me good. I am their ideal customer, the poster child for that damned credit card. I spend money there every month without fail, put it all on the card, pay it all off every month and walk in with that damn gift certificate like clock work. Yesterday, it was as if they knew I was coming, because I bought E V E R Y T H I N G. 

I walked into Teejer with a shopping list of “shampoo and conditioner and possibly coffee cups.” I managed to get the shampoo and conditioner, but swapped the coffee cups for:

A green military jacket a.k.a. heaven

A brown leather jacket a.k.a. heaven

A Cynthia Rowley outfit for my upcoming conference presentation in Portland (Cynthia Rowley is obviously a Goddess)

A bangin bikini for $10, but it’s reversible, so I basically got a BOGO, and it’s heaven

A skin tight, calf length dress that was designed by angels

Two pairs of work out pants

And the holiest of holy coordinates. Picture if you will – a celestial black and white patterned crop top with X straps across the back and matching flowy gypsy pants. When I saw it, the sky opened up, angels sang and a match was made (in heaven, obviously)

Dear Heavenly Mother,

Thanks for inventing Teejer, but please give me a job with an 80k salary so I can continue getting my fix of her.

Lots of love,

Amen.

K . x

A post of gratitude and excitement for the life ahead of me

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I love my life. I love the people I have chosen to surround myself with. I love my family and friends and colleagues. I love the experiences I have had that have led me to this point in my life. I love myself for sticking through the “What am I going to do with my life?” phase, which led to the “I know what I’m going to do with my life” phase, which has led to the “I love what I’m doing with my life” phase. There were a lot of mini phases in between including, but not limited to: how do I do what I want? how do I afford it? am I an imposter? etc. As much as I am thrilled with all that happens in my day-to-day life and proud of my accomplishments thus far, I can’t help but look towards the future with even more optimism and excitement.

This past Thursday and Friday I had the opportunity to attend a Family Planning Conference that was hosted by the University of Utah’s OB/GYN faculty and fellows. I got to listen to incredible presentations from community leaders, the fellows and faculty. The highlight for me was attending presentations of one of my absolute academic heroes, Larry Finer, the Director of Domestic Research at the Guttmacher Institute – and getting to meet him! I may have told him that the Guttmacher Institute was my spirit animal. I learned and laughed and had a wonderful time reconnecting with old friends and creating new ones and it made me excited about the possibilities of my future and my career.

I am part of a community that values and fosters intellectual innovation and risk taking that all culminate in creating a better world for women, which ultimately creates a better world for everyone. I am grateful that I found a passion in researching how to provide reproductive health information, access and services to Americans, so that they may live healthy, fulfilling lives that they feel in control of.

I am grateful for my life and I am excited to see where it leads. Thanks for letting me share =]

K . x

MY FIRST 10K: THE PROVO MIDNIGHT RUN

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After about five months of fairly consistent running (about 3 times a week average) – I finally got pretty good at running. I could set out from my house and run at about a 9 min. to 9 min. 30 sec. a mile pace for 30-45 minutes. And I didn’t hate my life while I was doing it. I figured I was ready to sign up for a 10k. I found one that looked fun, a midnight run in Provo, along the river’s edge, under a full moon with a gazillion neon glow sticks. I got some friends to sign up with me and I trained even harder than usual during the month before the race. I was not about to have a repeat of the Wild Goose Chase, where I was caught off guard and not nearly in as good of shape as I had thought I was.

I was famished before the race and made the terrible mistake of eating the better part of a pork salad from Café Rio about 1.5 hours before the start time.  If you take anything from this blog, let it be this: For the love of God, don’t eat an enormous salad an hour before you run 6 miles.

I was really excited about running because I felt confident that I would do well. I had worked hard and I knew that it was going to be easier for me than my first 5k.

There was a DJ at the starting line and my friends and I were decked out in glow sticks – around our necks, wrists, and tangled in our braids and shoes, we were obviously taking this very seriously.

The countdown began, the horn blew and we were off, like a mobile rave. I started out in the front, some super fast dudes went flying by me in the beginning and then I was kind of on my own. I was keeping track of the women who were passing me and if they seemed like they were in my age bracket (because I would have run faster if they looked like they were in their 20’s) — but no one was passing me. “Something must be wrong…” I was thinking. I know I’ve been training, but SURELY there are women who are faster than me. About two miles in I literally had to stop running to dry heave a little. I thought about forcing myself to puke out the salad that seemed to be refusing to digest, but I was worried that someone would pass me so I just suffered through the discomfort of my dinner creeping its way up my esophagus.

The weather was beautiful. I wasn’t about to have another blizzard happen during my run – so I chose a race in June. It was 10 p.m. the sky was clear, the air was warm and humid, the smell of the river plants permeated, it was perfect. But then I got bored. I GOT SO BORED. My body wasn’t tired but my brain kept saying, “We’re done right? We’re just gonna keep running? This is so boring though. Can we at least puke?” I tried to get into the playlist I created, I ran through the sprinklers that were spraying some grass to the side of the track, and I kept looking down at Runkeeper on my phone to tell me that I was almost done. And then a woman in a tutu passed me. I needed some competition to get me back into the swing of things. I stepped it up and forgot I was bored, I could only think about not losing. Before I knew it, I was in the home stretch and running across the finish line. Technically, I did end up beating the tutu woman – but not legitimately. She passed me a couple times, but then she’d turn around and run with some friends. I should have given up my glass trophy to her – but she’s the one who decided not to take the damn race seriously. So now my “2nd overall female” trophy sits on my bookshelf. I have NO idea who won 1st place because I do not remember anyone passing me and she didn’t stick around for the award ceremony – so her winning wasn’t as big of a deal to her as it was to me. Doesn’t matter. I had a great time. Learned how to run. And got through a terrible case of the running-boreds.

It’s February and I haven’t ran competitively since my June 10k. My friend Tera convinced me to sign up for the Cedar City half marathon in September of this year. I’m signed up and I have one goal:

Cross the finish line without puking.

K . x

My First 5k: The Wild Goose Chase

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Technically I won my first 5k, but if I’m honest — had it not been in Podunk, Utah, and people who were actually runners had signed up — I wouldn’t have won. But they didn’t – and I did. I had started running at the beginning of January 2013, when I decided I needed to change my lifestyle and habits. Running seemed like a healthy thing to do, but like most people who have never run competitively or for fitness before, I did not like running. I didn’t even like the idea of running. I had attempted running before, and I’d end up on some stranger’s lawn about 6 minutes in, dry heaving. I had resolved that I just wasn’t a runner, and I’d be one of the first to go in the case of a zombie apocalypse. But then I saw my “before” picture and decided, come hell or high water, I was gonna become a runner. I knew the only way that I would commit to a running program was if I was signed up for a race. I signed up for the Wild Goose Chase in Delta, Utah for February 23. Having a competitive event to look forward to, that I didn’t want to look like a sloth at, helped me get my butt in gear. I downloaded the app ’5K Runner’ and followed it pretty religiously to help with my training. I was pretty impressed with my progress. While I was “slow” (maybe 11 or 12 minute miles) I was learning how to run, how to maintain a pace, how to push through the mental blocks, and how to stick to something. The day of the race came and my boyfriend at the time, Bridger, and I drove to Delta. It was cold, as it is in February, but I was so looking forward to seeing the so-called “Majestic Migration of Tens of Thousands of Snow Geese” that it was a really fun drive. I DID NOT SEE ONE GOOSE. Not even ONE! Apparently it was a freakishly cold winter and the lake was still frozen over that the geese flock to, so they skipped it. We drove 2.5 hours to see a frozen lake and turn into icicles ourselves. Bridger is the most positive person ever and helped keep my spirits up. He signed up for the race with me, although he didn’t train hardly at all. I thought that I was going to beat him – just leave him in the dust. But turns out I could have never gotten through that thing without him.

It was time to run. We walked to the starting line with the 60 or so people who were running. And like a terrible joke from the heavens, RIGHT as the horn blew, a goddamn BLIZZARD unleashed upon us. There was snow and wind and sleet and it was freezing and wet and terrible. We had to run into the wind which made it feel like I was running in place, like on an arctic treadmill. My lungs were burning and dry from inhaling the zero degree air. The snot in one of my nostrils turned into ice and I was struggling to breathe. I was yelling at Bridger like it was his fault this natural disaster was happening. He just had a smile on his face and encouraged me the whole time while running in front of me to block the wind. As I was running as hard and fast as I could, little seven and eight year olds were zipping by me like it was no big deal. The whole time I felt like I was going to die, and the event was going down in the books as one of the worst half hours of my life. I couldn’t believe I paid to do this. I was thinking, you couldn’t pay me to do this! I swear time was moving backwards. I hated every freaking second of it. We FINALLY passed the finish line and a race attendant took my little strip off the bottom of my runner card. She handed me a print out and when I read it, it said “1st in women 20-29.” That couldn’t be right. “I think your machine is broken,” I said. That, or I’m the only woman between the ages of 20 and 29 who signed up for this hellish experience. All of a sudden I obviously suffered from amnesia, because I was elated and happy and thinking about how excited I was to sign up for another race. I just LOOOOVED running. I didn’t love running into 349 mph blizzard-wind. But I liked winning.

I realized I had to take it seriously to actually be competitive in the case of a race with more women my age. I also realized that I had just experienced hell freezing over and that it was 100% likely that I would never sign up for a race between November and March ever again.

I’d been bitten by the runners bug. I continued running, got a couple of my friends into it and did really well in my first 10k, winning 2nd place, overall female. I am now signed up for my first half marathon this upcoming September. Find me on Runkeeper, let’s go for a run or sign up for a race together. Get off the couch and actually learn how to run – because it’s a mental process more than a physical one.

See you at the starting line.

K . x