I’ve been addicted to TJ Maxx for years now. I don’t want help getting over this addiction. I acknowledge that I have an addiction. I don’t know if I can call it a “problem” – because I can’t call all of the magnificent gems that I have unearthed from TJ Maxx “problems” – rather, I call them heaven. TJ Maxx is my heaven. It’s my therapy, my happy place, and sometimes my dermatology clinic [I have spent way too many minutes picking my face in the dressing rooms that have lighting from where? Heaven.] It’s my go-to for gifts (anytime I go to get a gift for someone else, I happen to pick up a few gifts for myself), I buy kitchen stuff there, holiday and home decor there, jewelry there, I buy electronic accessories there, I buy every single article of clothing they take off the truck there, I even buy my shampoo and conditioner there [hello - it's $9.99 compared to $20.99].
I, of course, got the TJ Maxx credit card, which is the equivalent to giving a crack addict a punch card. I spend money on the card and they mail me a $10 gift certificate. Of course I have to go and redeem it – it’s free money! Who ever came up with this idea is a genius, and also the devil. That gift certificate has the world’s smallest and strongest magnet in it and it literally pulls you into Teejer (that’s my pet name for
her I mean IT, Teejer isn’t my best friend… it’s a store, duh.)
I have to admit – yesterday, the TJ execs got me good. I am their ideal customer, the poster child for that damned credit card. I spend money there every month without fail, put it all on the card, pay it all off every month and walk in with that damn gift certificate like clock work. Yesterday, it was as if they knew I was coming, because I bought E V E R Y T H I N G.
I walked into Teejer with a shopping list of “shampoo and conditioner and possibly coffee cups.” I managed to get the shampoo and conditioner, but swapped the coffee cups for:
A green military jacket a.k.a. heaven
A brown leather jacket a.k.a. heaven
A Cynthia Rowley outfit for my upcoming conference presentation in Portland (Cynthia Rowley is obviously a Goddess)
A bangin bikini for $10, but it’s reversible, so I basically got a BOGO, and it’s heaven
A skin tight, calf length dress that was designed by angels
Two pairs of work out pants
And the holiest of holy coordinates. Picture if you will – a celestial black and white patterned crop top with X straps across the back and matching flowy gypsy pants. When I saw it, the sky opened up, angels sang and a match was made (in heaven, obviously)
Dear Heavenly Mother,
Thanks for inventing Teejer, but please give me a job with an 80k salary so I can continue getting my fix of her.
Lots of love,
K . x